A good relationship starts with good communication. A relationship can be compared to a house. If the light bulb in the house burns out, you do not replace the house but you fix the bulb. Communication is the element that fixes the imperfections in a relationship and reinforces the compatibility. When in disagreement, sidestep the impulsive reactions and address the issue and not the person. Try and communicate your problems without arguing or fighting.
Effective communication is a two way street. It is as much important to listen, as it is to be able express. When we speak, we expect to be heard and understood. We also ought to perform the reverse favour.
As Paul Tillich has said “The first duty of love is to Listen”. To be an active listener one needs to understand the difference between hearing and listening. Listening is a more empathetic approach. It is hearing with a commitment to understand the person’s views. Active listening brings about a positive change is a relationship.
No judgement
Active listening creates that bond between two people, where your personal feelings do not influence your views and perceptions about a person. You both understand each other’s behavior and thought orientation. So, instead of being judgmental, you evaluate and introspect the disagreement. This is a more solution oriented approach to resolve conflicts.
No blame game
The truth is that we seek credit for the little things we do to make our partner happy. But we shun from taking onus for the conflicts. Conflicts arise out of differences and differences arise because our minds are not programmed with a standard code. Active listening makes us respect and accept these dissimilarities. It creates a space of mutual respect and consideration. Instead of being opponents, active listening puts you both on the same team.
Support
When you partner shares their problem with you, they might not necessarily be seeking advice or solutions. Most times, the person just wants to be heard. Allowing him/her talk through the problem and just being an active listener, helps the person to unwind and arrive at a solution themselves. This will give your partner a sense of satisfaction for being able to deal with the problem. And however subtle your role would be in this, your partner will always admire and appreciate the support.
Identify needs
Sometimes our emotions are caught up in a labyrinth of thoughts and influences. Instead of objectively handling the situation, we prefer to obsess over the reasons why he/she might have said something or what could be a better comeback. As abstract as it can be, emotions rule relationships. Making your partner talk and being an active listener triggers a chain of reaction where you grasp emotions and understand his/her needs.
Explore
Your body language should communicate that you are listening. Ask open-ended questions and let the person talk his/her heart out. The person who listens always has an upper hand in a conversation because you create that comfort zone. Sincere and active listening gives the opportunity to explore your partner’s thoughts, likes, dislikes and choices. This builds a foundation for compatibility and creates a long-lasting connect.
A healthy and fulfilling relationship is important for our mental and physical well-being. To have a companion or partner who is supportive and loving, brings a sense of security and strength in a person. Respect, trust and support are some characteristics of a healthy relationship. But the foundation for all of this is communication. So, are you listening?
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